The Knight and the Mercernary
by Gatita101
Summary: Pip and Integra are stuck in a cave and wont be out intill sundown. So, whats the interaction between a perverted mercenary and a knight of the round table who'd shoot his balls of if he tried something? IxP contains a little AxS


~The Knight and the Mercenary~

Alo alo!!! I havent updated or written a fic in, what feels like, ages! So now i'm back and better than ever! Though I do have abit of a tunnyahe. Oh well, what can you do?

So a fellow auther has given me custedy of one of her precious pets. The most dangerous creature in fanfiction history!

THE PLOT BUNNY!!

so yeah, she gave me her plot bunny and full permission to use that insperation to write this fic... to bad it went the _completly wrong way._

I mean, I love how it went out and all, but it wasn't the fic requested. So I hope you enjoy my failure at following orders.... yeah.

NYA~

* * *

It was dark…

It was cramped…

It was creepy…

Sir Integra sighed. She couldn't understand how she got into this situation.

She was stuck in a cave with the French mercenary, Pip.

Integra glanced over at him. His cowboy hat shadowing his blank expression. He seemed relaxed.

"How can you be so impassive in a situation like this? You should be concerned about us losing our air and suffocating or something." When she saw he wasn't responding, she threw a rock at him.

Pip rubbed his head. "Jesus. Are you always this crabby?" He lit a cigarette in-between his teeth. "Learn some patience. You shouldn't worry about what you can't control. For example; we have plenty of air. Besides…" He pointed to a crack of sunlight coming from the large pile of rocks that blocked there exit. "… I'm sure the vampires will get us out."

Integra growled. "They can't help us now! Vampires are powerless in the daytime!"

Pip rolled the cigarette with his fingers. "Then we'll wait 'till night. It's not like something could happen in here." He smirked at those last words.

Integra could have sworn the large space between them was slowly decreasing. In a swift movement, she pulled out her gun. "I order you to keep on your side. I don't want any of your flirtatious comments. So back. OFF!"

Pip raised his hands in a defensive stance. "Whoa there. No need to get violent… Do you always have a gun on you?"

The platinum blond narrowed her eyes. "What? Women aren't supposed to carry guns? Is that it?"

"No! I meant, I never saw you with a gun before… um." He smiled sheepishly.

Integra sighed. "Sexist men… I carry a gun around because, my profession is handling vampires. It wouldn't be well for the world if I died."

Pip rubbed his head. "Not to be rude, but why would it matter if you die?"

The women looked at him. "I'm a Hellsing. We've hunted vampires for generations, and besides: Alucard is bound to us by his seal, if I were to die without an heir-"

Pip's face crashed with realization. "…oh…"

"Yeah. Who knows what the king of vampires would do to the world. Rule it with an iron fist, or destroy it – gaining revenge on all humanity."

The silence returned full force.

"Would, Seras do that?"

Integra couldn't help but excuse an amused sigh. "Heh. You're simply hysterical! Falling in love with a vampire."

"I thought you had a thing for that Alucard guy?"

Pip chuckled, as if he found blackmail for an older sister. "Look who's calling the kettle black!"

Integra growled, if she were a vamp- her canines would have elongated by now. "Vampires simply have this charm. They use it draw out prey, then strike! Much like a snake. "

"You're blushing."

"Am not!"

Pip chuckled. "_Suuure_."

Cocking her gun and shooting him in the head would be a real treat right now.

Pip nipped his cigarette and calmly declared, "You have social issues."

"What was that!?" She snapped.

Pip repeated himself slowly. "_You _– Sir Integra – have _trust _issues. You don't let anyone get close to you. Heck, you're aiming a gun at me. You should learn to open up."

Integra narrowed her eyes into an icy glare. "If I didn't have a gun right now, you'd have raped me by now."

The mercenary couldn't help but try to hold back a snicker. He failed. "Is that what you think of me? A rapist? Seriously? You misjudge me. I would never force myself on a women."

"Sure you wouldn't." Integra breathed, sarcasm dripping off the words. She lowered her gun ever so slightly, closing her eyes. She needed a moment to collect herself.

Pip took this as a chance to get edge a bit closer.

The knight's eyes snapped open and re-aimed her gun. "Get back."

"Whoa there! Sure you aren't a vampire? You can sure hear like one."

"I'm a holy knight. We train our senses vigorously so we can fight vampires. It's how I can sense Alucard most of the time."

Pip leaned in, intrigued. "Impressive. Mind telling me what else your good at?" He smirked.

Integra pressed the trigger lightly. "Hellsing's also have deadly aim. So unless you want children, you better get back!"

This time he didn't bother sneaking closer. He scooted and scooted and scooted…

Integra shot at him.

There was a slight graze on his left cheek. His whistled impressed. "It's true. You do have deadly aim."

By this time, he was a mere three feet. Integra's hand was shaking, her heart beating a rhythm against her rib cage.

The small hole revealing the sliver of sunlight, turned silver reflecting the moons glow.

Pip placed a hand over her gun. "Now lets just put down the gun, okay?" He soothed her with his alluring voice.

The holy knight's strength seemed to melt like butter, for she felt him close the gap between there bodies.

Pip's rough-coursed hands cupped the woman's milk colored skin chin. He smiled at her. "Relax. Open up. You have nothing to fear."

Integra's cheeks were red. Never before had anyone gotten so close to her, nor held her so affectionately.

Pip's lips grew nearer and nearer. He brushed his against hers, teasing her.

The holy knight couldn't contain the emotions rushing up and down her spine. Her eyes went wide and her heart lumped in her throat. She dropped her gun.

The mercenary smirked. "I'm guessing you've never been with a man before."

The holy knight blushed further. "N-no…"

"And you've never been held before." He wrapped his arms around her waist, very tightly.

This time she didn't answer.

He chuckled. "Trust me. You've missed out on a lot of things."

There lips connected in a passionate kiss. The world outside didn't matter anymore. They were in there own, no war with millennium, no freaks, vampires and ghouls. It was just the two of them.

"Ahem!"

In surprise Integra ended the kiss and pushed Pip back with masculine strength.

"I'm sorry Master, am I interrupting something?"

Integra looked up from the ground to see her vampire servant.

"...Alucard..." She mumbled. Oh how she wanted to kill him right now.

Pip smiled nervously. "...Mignonette..."

Surely, behind the no-life kings large body, was his fledgling, in a giggle-fit.

"Master. Don't you think we should have left them a bit longer?" Seras asked him. More giggles erupted from her.

Alucard chuckled, then playfully scolded. "Police girl! Tsk-tsk-tsk. I never knew you had such thoughts." He grinned down at the couple before him. "But perhaps we should let them be."

Integra glared at him. "Quiet, servant! Just clear a way out, for us!" She demanded.

The vampire king only grinned more so, then stalked towards the blocked path of rocks. Suddenly, the rocks exploded. A large wash of shadows in its place.

Seras gave a jolly turn towards Integra. "Sorry for the long wait." Her head turned sharply, as if someone called her name. "Time for me to go, bye!"

Alucard summoned an inky black portal filled to the brim with darkness. He walked into it, Seras following in suite.

-

The heiress and geese mercenary walked the lonely path back to the manson. It was erriely quiet between them. Though more of an awkward silence on Integra's part.

_'I can't believe I let him get so damn close! If Alucard hadn't arrived... then.... we...-"_ She felt blood pool into her cheeks. She couldn't decide on punishing the vampire for ruining the moment or praising him.

But it was inevitable. That stunt he pulled made her attracted to him, and who knows how this will effect her in the long run. _'I'll be staring off, like a school girl with a crush.'_ She glanced at him, subconciosly brushing her hair back.

He suddenly smirked. That enchanting french accent weaving its spell around her. "Still thinking about it?"

This pushed her. "In your dreams you pig!"

Pip laughed. "After tonight, you'll always be in my dreams."

The knight was about to retort, but found herself unable to do so as his lips pressed against hers.

-

A hill, a short distance away from the couple, a pair of vampires watched them.

Seras sighed, abit depressed by the scene. "Master, don't you think we should leave them be?"

Alucard hesitated to answer. Then a slow grin creeped onto his face. He looked at Seras with a hawty expression. "We shouldn't let them be the only ones to have fun."

Seras stared at the couple, then naively turned to the nosferatu. "Master, what are you-MMPH!!!" The vampiress found herself pinned to a tree and her lips at the mercy of Alucard's. Her eyes lovingly glazed over. '_M-my master is kissing me...'_

Alucard could only smirk in his kiss, as he caught her thoughts. _'Indeed I am, Police girl.'_

* * *

Loved it? Hate it? Let me know. That's what **reviews **are for!

I'm pleased with my interpretation with Integra. To me, she seems the type that would avoid social interactions. Being she was born into a family of vampire hunters, has the responsabilty over a trigger-happy vampire king, killed a man at the age of thirteen, lets not forget she has to watch over a slowly-losing-humanity fledgling of said vampire king and has the guilty concious of over a million dead men that died in her mansion - don't you think you'd be anti-social at this point in life? So I figured, thats where the cold attitude comes from.

As for Pip. Well... heh. Being the pervert he is, I found it easy to utalize his laid back ego to worm its way into Integra's cold shell.

As for Alucard and Seras... I just love that pairing and thought i'd put it in. Hell, I might even attempt a lemon, but i'm not good at that. So we should probably leave lemon as wishful thinking, eh? (Why do I feel you perverts are going to request it anyways?)


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